优秀作文选二(初三)

描述一件令你感到开心（或激动、遗憾、伤心、愤怒、失望等）的事情。请在作文中描述事情发生的过程、当时的情感，以及此事对你的影响。

写作要求：

1. 根据提示，用英语写一篇60字的短文。

2. 请在空格线上答题；每格写一个单词，标点可不占格。 3. 作文评分依据：语言、结构、内涵和文采。

读题分析

该作文题要求学生记叙身边所发生过的一件事，这件事情令你激动、遗憾、伤心、愤怒、失望等。学生可以选择自己独特的角度去描述，发挥空间很大，可以选取的写作素材也非常多，因为每一个个体的经历都是有别于其他人的。相信他们一定会发现有事可记叙，有话题可说。参赛考生如能将文章篇幅的80%用语描述，20%用于谈此事对作者的影响，这样写就达到写作要求，不会偏离本主题。

记叙文是以写人、叙事为主要内容的一种文体，也是英语作文中最普遍、最基本的文体。一般说来，有时间、地点、人物、时间、原因和结果六要素。记叙文的重点在于“述说”和“描写”。一篇记叙文只要把这些要素写清楚，文章就会内容具体、眉目清晰、中心意思明确。

写人时，要注意介绍人物的身世、经历和事迹等；叙事时，要写清事情发生于发展的过程以及事情法伤的前因后果等。 记叙文的写作特点如下：

（一） 人称：英语的记叙文一般是以第一或第三人称的角度来叙述的。

（二） 时态：记叙文一般分为事实记叙文和想象记叙文。事实记叙文是写已发生的真实事

情，常用一般过去时；想象记叙文是写虚拟的故事，常用一般现在时及将来时。本题目要求以事实叙述为主来写作。

（三） 叙述顺序

记叙文写作最常用的叙述顺序有以下几种： 1. 以时间为线索，按时间顺序展开；

2. 以地点为线索，以地点的转移为顺序展开；

3. 以事件发展的过程为线索，或以人物出现的先后顺序展开。 （四） 叙述的过渡

过渡在上下文中起着承上启下、融会贯通的作用。过渡往往用在地点转移或事件、事件转换以及由概括说明到具体说叙述。

（五） 叙述与对话

引用故事情节中主要人物的对话是提高记叙文表现力的一种好方法。适当地用直接引语代替间接的主观叙述，可以客观生动地反映人物的性格、品质和心理状态，使 记叙生动、有趣，使文章内容更加充实、具体。

佳作展评 习作一：

To keep or not

Something changed my life several years ago. My mum asked me whether I wanted a little brother. I was still very young at that time and was sulky because mum didn’t buy me a doll. I

thought that if I had a baby brother, he could be my toy. So I said. “Why not?” And the next thing I knew was my mother was pregnant! For Chinese children today, it isn’t common to have a sibling, but I do, and I love it. I waited for ten months until my mum was sent to hospital. I waited worriedly, crying for my mother and my baby brother. My eyes were swollen. When mum came home, I purred what an adoring thing!

Up to this day, I still do not regret my decision, even though my brother has already grown up and is not a cure little baby anymore.

综合点评：

该文从选材叙述的角度上独树一帜。文章一开头就开门见山，以“Something changed my life several years ago” 一句话告诉读者，她母亲怀孕要给她再生一个弟弟的消息。此事对于绝大多数中国独生子女的初中生来说，绝对是一个引人入胜的好故事，选材真实可信。她听到母亲怀孕时的喜出望外，和等待她母亲和弟弟回家的心理活动，这些描述都自然可信。此文把她对她母亲的担心和对弟弟的爱写得很感人。文章结尾简洁，但是令人回味无穷。把弟弟当做玩具享用到真心喜欢弟弟的姐弟之情在结尾句中自然流露。

习作二：

It was the most inspiring thing that has ever happened in my life. I was fascinated by the drums when I was eight. I was imaging if I could have a set of real drums, I would be able to play in a band. But it’s only a dream for me. I pretended to play real drums when I was at home alone. I enjoyed waving my hands, hitting some books with chopsticks and making different sounds. Suddenly, my parents appeared at the door. They were surprised and I felt extremely embarrassed. Then they smiled. I was so anxious at that time that I didn’t say a word. However, I received a present from my parents a week later. It was a set of drums! They encouraged me to keep on playing drums. They also told me to chase dreams and I was greatly inspired by my parents. I never doubt there is always possibility for things to happen.

综合点评：

此文记叙了作者如何梦想成真的一段经历。文章的开头告诉人们，“我”的生活中一件最令人鼓舞人心的事是有梦想就要追逐，永不放弃，就会梦想成真。作者的选词用句丰富，非谓语动词运用熟练。

下划线部分为表述不妥，或可以改进的地方。 修改1：has 改成had

修改2：Suddenly, my parents appeared at the door.改为One day my parents appeared at the door suddenly.

修改3：They were surprised and 改为Seeing their surprised eyes I… 修改4：anxious改为embarrassed 修改5：didn’t 改为couldn’t

修改6：However 改为Surprisingly

修改7：最后一句改为Now I never doubt that impossible is nothing if we keep on chasing our dreams.

习作三：

At the news that my grandfather was in hospital because of tuberculosis, I stared blankly at my mother, wishing her to say something else, something nice. But she wiped the corner of her eyes and stormed into her room, slamming the door with a resounding crash behind her. I picked up the notice form the hospital, wanting to tear it into pieces. How could such a thing ever happen? Suddenly, over the course of one night, my loving grandfather was sent to hospital, having water extracted out of his lungs, and he might be lying on his deathbed. It was almost too much for me. The shock was so great but I didn’t even cry, just standing beside the breakfast table, looking at the sun rays slanting downwards through the French windows. I loved my grandpa, and I wanted him to be lying on the balcony, healthy, joyful. I wanted to hold his dried, weathered hands. It was then that the teas crashed out of my eyes.

综合点评：

此文描述作者得知祖父得病后，她母亲一连串的动作和她本人当时的心理活动。作者用词自然真实准确，所选的词汇很好地表述了她母亲的悲痛心情。如 “wiped the corner of her eyes and stormed into her room, slamming the door with a resounding crash behind her.” 这篇文章主题鲜明，构思新颖，描写细致，运用了很多富有表现力的动词，使得文章非常有感染力。作者细腻传神的心情活动和描写值得初中生借鉴学习。文末最后没有谈及此事对自己的影响。不过本文的用词用句值得初中学生借鉴学习。

习作四：

I still remember how happy I was when I crossed the finishing line. Last Tuesday, our P.E. teacher said we would have a 100-meter test. Glancing at other students, they were all smiling at me. The reason is very simple: I’m famous for my weight! I must attend the test. “Run!” With the sharp word, I began to run. At first, I was in the middle of the line, thinking I wasn’t too fat. But then, more and more students left me behind. I felt hopeless and very tired. My legs moved more slowly, and I even wanted to stop. Suddenly, some words that my mum always tells me came into my mind: “You can do it, my boy! You can!” “Yes, I can!” I shouted! I wanted my arms crazily and ran faster and faster. I crossed the finishing line! I did it! I was so happy! From then on, I know that nothing is impossible.

综合点评：

文本内容很完整，“事情发生的过程、当时的情感，以及此事对本人的影响”，都写得头头是道；初中学生比较容易犯的“时态、语态”方面的错误，本文基本没有出现；语言生动，比如“Run!” With the sharp word, I began to run.语句之间借助连接词，承接自然，如：At first…But then…Suddenly…From then on…此外，短文还运用了现在分词作状语的句子，如：I was in the middle of the line, thinking I wasn’t too fat.

修改建议：Glancing at other students, they were all smiling at me是个现在分词做状语的句子，不过现在分词短语Glancing at other students逻辑主语和主句的主语they不一致，应修改为： When I was glancing at other students, they were all smiling at me.

习作五：

“Come on, you can do it,” I mumbled to myself over and over again before going onto the stage. I

smiled nervously at the audience below and started, “Good morning. I’m here to …e…elect the new chairperson.” I paused and my mind has gone blank. I couldn’t remember the speech that I had prepared for a long time. I rushed down the stage trying to find a place to hide. After a while, I calmed down and recollected myself. I thought about my previous horrible speech. Actually, the main reason of my failure was nervousness and too much pressure I wanted this position too much. Though slightly upset and disappointed with myself, I made up my mind to try once more. At last, I succeeded. From then on, whenever I felt distressed, I would tell myself to calm down. Nothing really matters that much. Just be ourselves.

综合点评：

总体印象：语法基本正确；标点符号使用规范；描述生动，如: “Come on, you can do it,” I mumbled to myself over and over again before going onto the stage.又如: “Good morning. I’m here to …e…elect the new chairperson.” I paused and my mind has gone blank. 作者善于使用复合句，如现在分词作状语的句子：I rushed down the stage trying to find a place to hide. 过去做让步状语的句子：Though slightly upset and disappointed with myself, I made up my mind to try once more.

本文在时态上有一些小问题。句子 “ I paused and my mind has gone blank.”应改为：I paused and my mind went blank.

习作六：

Say Goodbye

Golden leaves shuffled as autumn wind whispered softly. The setting sun sank to the horizon, painting the sky with a dark glow. Jack had been my best friend for five years, which made saying goodbye far too difficult for both of us. “Jack?” “Yes?” “Will you write letters? Or just send an email?” Jack broke into a smile. “Of course I will.” Silence fell again as we realized the hardest time had come. “Jack,” I stood up, “you’ll always be my best friend.” Jack gave me a hug. I’ll never forget that hug, because that was when two breaking hearts stayed the closest. “I’ll miss you.” And then he was gone. Thus I had experienced the first heartbreaking moment in my life, but I also learned: you’ll never say goodbye to your friends, because they’ll always live in your heart.

综合点评：

1、一切景语皆情语，开篇的景色描写秋风、落叶、黄昏，与作者将要展现的惜别之情相映成趣。

2、分词伴随状态和非性定语从句的熟练使用展现了作者的英语应用能力。

习作七：

The Most Exciting Thing

When it comes to the most exciting thing in my life, I will definitely choose the group singing at the school art festival, which adds a brilliant touch to my memory.

As the school art festival approached, we four girls decided to sing a song, but trouble came one after another. Mistakes, arguments and conflicts almost separated us. However, strong minds

brought us together and made us more determined to reach the success. We, four girls, sang hear and soul in pursuit of a perfect performance. Finally, when we stood confidently in the spotlight and sang the song we had practiced for hundreds of times, cheers rose from every corner of the theatre.

In fact, it’s more than a performance. It’s a dream of our girls. It will always impress the best upon my mind.

综合点评：

本篇短文具有以下三个特点：

1、 语言能力突出。语言能力之运用语言做事的能力，涉及语言、技能和话题。如：首段的

地道语言When it comes to, definitely choose, adds a brilliant touch to 和精湛的表达技能——运用复合句，即第一段为完整的一个句子，以及准确把握话题——描述一件令人感到开心的事。

2、 彰显文化能力。文化能力指跨文化交际的能力，包括文化知识、文化行为和文化意识。

本篇短文的英语表达能支撑语言思维，体现在语言得体、有效、理性等，如第二段的语言运用art festival approached, trouble came one after another, mistakes, arguments and conflicts,以及However, strong minds brought us together and made us more determined to reach…在文化意识上所体现出的价值观和包容态度。

3、 体现了思维方式。思维方式是文化的本质内涵，具体分反思性思维、批判性思维和

创造性思维。反思性思维重点在于自我反省；批判性思维在于客观评估；创造性思维在于创新意识。如最后一段In fact, it’s more than a performance. It’s a dream of four girls. It will always impress…

本篇作文对中学生的写作启示是：语言、文化、思维是相互依存、相互关联的整体，写作时应关注这三个维度。

习作八：

My educational trip to Hawaii has left a deep impression on me. During last winter vacation, I flew to Hawaii and stayed with my host family for a week. I really had the time of my life there. What impressed me most was making cookies. With my host mum’s help, I mixed flour, butter, sugar and milk powder together and baked according to the cookbook. Those cookies were served as desserts the other day. I was so proud when everyone enjoyed my “work.”

Ever since then, I have been keen on trying new things. I am easily getting afraid of failure, however, a little step can ease me and, after I finished a single step, I had a sense of achievements which encouraged me to start the next one. Life is made up of small paces, too. Whenever the trouble comes, it reminds me of that cookie-making experience.

综合点评：

首先，本文写作思路清晰、内容充实、结构完整。本文根据写作提示描述了一件令他/她感到开心的事情，夏威夷之旅轶事——在主人家做甜饼。文中不仅简要描述了制作甜饼的过程，以及大家喜欢甜饼给作者带来的愉悦和自豪心情，而且还详细介绍了此事对他/她生活的态度产生的积极影响。

其次，语言表达准确，但词语和结构却并不复杂。如：开篇首句中的…has left a deep impression on me. 第二段中的Those cookies were served as desserts the next day, I was so

proud when everyone enjoyed my “work.”第三段中的I had a sense of achievements和whenever the trouble comes, it reminds me of that cookie-making experience.

习作九：

The first time to beach is something made me feel quite excited and unforgettable. Although I’m definitely a Shanghainese, I don’t think I’ve been to the real golden beach and the great blue sea until last summer, in Qingdao. For the very first time, I touched the smooth sand and took a close view of the sea. Things there appealed to me so much that I thought how gorgeous it would be for a person to live by, with the refreshing, salty smell of sea water. I stayed there for quite a long while, watching diamonds of water drops skipping on the surface, wandering around at the beach. When facing the endless sea horizon, I felt we human, are just a tiny part of this fantastic planet. We can’t say that we’re the greatest creatures, but respect all the creatures around us equally.

综合点评：

尽管开篇首句有基础语法错误，但本文仍是一片佳作。本文能紧紧围绕语用目的——“描述一件令你感到开心的事”，描述了令他/她激动和难忘的青岛海滨之旅。对旅行的场景和过程的描写细致入微，如：the real golden beach and he great blue sea, touched the sand and took a close view of the sea. 之后，作者触景生情，浮想联翩，如：Things there appeared to me so much that I thought how gorgeous it would be for a person to live by, with the refreshing, salty smell of sea water…最后，作者由衷地发出感叹：When facing the endless sea, I felt we human beings are just a tiny part of this fantastic planet,并呼吁大家要关爱生命（respect all the creatures around us equally）。文章虽短，但是体现了作者对生活的热爱，对生命的关爱，所以其思想内涵较为丰富。通过上述简析不难看出，本文颇具散文的韵味。

本篇作文对中学生的写作启示为：只有通过有效阅读才能用英语表达自己的观点和想法，才能写出有文采、得体的文章。

习作十：

An embarrassing experience

The most embarrassing thing of me happened in an English demonstration class, which took place in a grand hall, where hundreds of teaching specialists and teachers gathered to watch. That was during my voice-changing period, and my voice was always heard in an unconfident and odd way.

My teacher certainly didn’t realize that, in face, he seemed fix-minded in asking me questions, either short responses, or long opinion talking. My voice was founded awkward, and somehow I heard the laughing and whispering from teachers. I wished that I could be invisible, and vanish at once. But all I could do is to control my voice, although that didn’t work. I was truly embarrassed as well as having butterflies in my stomach.

Years passed, when I thought about the embarrassing bygone. I assumed that things are as they are, don’t shed over the, don’t be embarrassed facing them!

综合点评：

这篇文章行文流畅、结构清晰，详略得当。从一个参与公开课学生的角度，让我们关注到了一个在公开课上常被大家忽视的方面：学生内心的感受。文章心理描写细腻动情，过程具体真实。通过invisible和vanish等词让我们浮想当时的情景。能从细节着手，有听课老师的声音和动作，如：laugh, whisper，而不是笼统地告诉读者“我很尴尬”，语言表达较丰富。用have butterflies in my stomach来说明紧张的情绪，富有童趣和感染力。 作者以再回首的态度来收拾曾经并不太愉快的经历，学会直面过去，淡然处之，透露出了作者内心的成长和对待生活的积极态度，这种感悟才是成长给我们的财富，同事引发了读者的回忆和思考。

习作十一：

When it comes to the most unforgettable thing, the trip to Huang Shan Mountain will remain fresh and impress the best upon my mind.

On a clear summer morning, we departed for the peak. At first, I was delighted. However, as time went by, the temperature soared, draining my energy. I stopped to complain, but Dad urged me to keep going. I knew I couldn’t quit. So I took my mind off the heat and concentrated on the magnificent view along the way. The drifting clouds, the chirping birds…the stunning scenery was beyond description. We reached the peak in time for the sunset, which left me in pure fascination.

From this experience, I was able to savor the true wonder of nature. More importantly, I was aware that only perseverance could bring success.

The unforgettable experience will always be in my mind, reminding me of the philosophy of life.

综合点评：

这篇文章结构清晰，语言生动，令读者印象深刻。本文讲述的是黄山之游，从最初作者的兴奋愉悦之情（be delighted）, 到随后温度升高、疲乏不堪时的抱怨不断，真是清晰地展现了一个孩子的心理动态。随后，醉着收到父亲的鼓励及美景的吸引，克服气温和身体的疲劳等因素，最终爬到山顶观看到了美丽的日落。作者对于景色的描述，用此准确生动（the drifting clouds, the chirping birds, the stunning scenery）,充分显示出作者较好的语言功底。而美景给作者留下的深刻印象也在字里行间自然流露出来（beyond description, leave me in pure fascination）。在文章的最后，作者和读者分享了她所收获的感悟，我想这种感悟或作者所说的“人生哲理”才是让她最难忘的，也是让读者记忆最