超级搞笑之三顾茅庐(英文剧本)

一部经我们精心改变的英语短剧，超级搞笑、绝对震撼。

故事纯属虚构，如有雷同，绝对盗版。

特此分享，以求为以后需要在英语课上表演的你们提供帮助，

绝对我超所值，绝对汗，神起…… Three visits to the cottage

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.

Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it. （端个牌子，展示每个场景，谁的家）

Three visits to the cottage

Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents. SCENE 1: Liubei's home

Actors: Liubei ,Guanyu ,Zhangfei

Guanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible! Liubei:Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. （指着关羽的头说，暴打，扑头周

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星驰）No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?

Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband‟s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now. Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse.

Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go go o累o累~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!

Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.

SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: ZhuGeliang ,Wife

ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the legend man（传说哥），ZhuGeliang I am a man，not a deity神. And I feel so morose recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What‟s CET-6? Do you know? You，you，you，know，no，you don‟t know?(Ask the audience) and，I also don‟t know. But she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It‟s ridiculous. （背景音乐，凄惨，抱怨）My major is military advice, not English. （苍天啊，大地啊）Why should I learn English啊? Wife: Darling!

ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming（畏惧害怕），she is so long-winded that I can never bear her愤怒. Wife：My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze. I‟m dizzy.

Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can‟t pass cet-6 to get your master‟s degree, it is difficult to find a job. Zhugeliang：but。。。

Wife：(抽嘴巴)your father isn‟t 李刚， there‟s no but just（愤怒转娇羞，摆诸葛亮的手）good good study, day day up,哈，哈尼. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like 铁岭. ZhuGeliang：（捂着脸哭腔）Don‟t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don‟t need to learn. Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see! ZhuGeliang：ok come on ，baby!

Wife：Listen, you will listening one 段（六级听力开头） ，please choose which one? ZhuGeliang: Sorry I don‟t know.

Wife：You don‟t know? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I didn‟t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now,

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ZhuGeliang：Don‟t cry, don‟t cry, stop! I „m going to study hard at once.

Wife (laugh): That's the spirit! (好高兴哦，又吃成长快乐了) Do you know? We are in the read for your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun for debts. ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei? Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy! Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?

Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England. . Keeper: Yes! Madam!（敬礼）

Aside: While it is going on, Liubei,Guanyu, Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang‟s house.

SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house Actors: Liubei,Guanyu, Zhangfei ,Keeper 找段英勇就义的音乐，上海滩

Zhangfei: 嘿嘿嘿，this is zhu‟s house.Let me strike the door! Open! Open!!! Keeper: (Check from the peep hole)Your Code口令？

张飞：what‟s code? Oh, I see. “芝麻开门，信春哥，不挂科，信凤姐，得自信”

Keeper：Smart，he knows I like凤姐，嘻嘻。(Open the door)Are these men asking for the debt? Liubei: This is Liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife. Keeper: Zhu said he is not in. Liubei: En????

Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month. 张飞：ok！he own my money. We wait for him here. Guanyu: （拍张飞脑袋）Did your head kick by the donkey,or shove by the door?(你脑袋被驴踢了还是被门挤了。)Nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let‟s go home!

Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn‟t see Zhugeliang again. Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.

SCENE4 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

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Actors: Liubei ,Guanyu ,Zhangfei, Keeper

Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up for you. It really should not trouble you to go there time and time again.

Liubei: （一切都是浮云）everything is cloud. These days, the borrower is the god! Let‟s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)

Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait for a moment! Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece. Get out, or I will burn your house down!

Guanyu: Sunflower press（葵花点穴手）I press，I press, I press continual. (我点，我点，我点点点)。! AI. Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life. If you killed him, where is our money?

张飞：（一段机械舞式扭动）I break.(我破)（上手伸开，展现一种冲破捆绑的感觉）。Brother‟s words is right, but we will be dead of hungry.哥说的是，可那样我们得饿死， 诸葛亮：Who is yelling outside my house?谁在我家门口大吼大叫啊 张飞：It‟s your grandpa Zhan. Repay our money, or I will kill you.是你张爷爷我，快点还钱，否则老子灭了你，咱们来单挑。

诸葛亮：I am true man纯爷们，let‟s fight。

猜拳（诸葛亮拿出扇子，张飞拿起长矛，做出要打的架势，转圈，向后退，停顿，扔掉武器，然后向前冲出去，走到一起，,说哥俩好呀、五魁首呀, 六六六啊、八匹马啊、跟我走啊）

刘备：What‟re you doing，little brother？Step Back.(这是干什么，二弟，退后。) Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time，来来来，握手，记者，照相!(相机闪光灯声)

Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting（幸灾乐祸）, and his wife come back.

SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: ZhuGeliang ,wife,Liubei, Zhangfei ,Guanyu

Wife: （走过去，拽走诸葛亮）Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can‟t let him in.

ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don‟t worry. I can make Liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue. Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time! Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?

Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you will repay it for me? I have starved for several days.

ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify it? But you can give me a chance, I will give you back something better. I am an honest man.

Liubei: why should I give you a chance? I will speak it to the judge.

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Zhu: Please look at yourself（靠近看着刘备）, although having ambition, you are just a guarder . but I can help you enlarge your power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that you can reign the whole country.

Liubei: wa wa wa. I‟m so surprised! I don‟t know you are so ideal. i will be the king。 ZhuGeliang: If I give you a country, could I not repay your money?

Liubei: En……. Of cause. But I need your help. are you willing to create a new country together with us? ZhuGeliang: I want But I can‟t。

Liubei: If you don‟t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don‟t refuse.

ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can‟t. Because my Tigress forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you. Liu: En…..

Zhangfei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk（喝三鹿奶粉，腰不酸，腿不痛，走路也有劲了，喝三鹿奶粉，那个不痛，月月轻松drinking sanlu milk, Waist isn’t acid, Legs don’t hurt, Walking is also strong. Drinking sanlu milk, That isn’t painful, easy month by month）. Why can‟t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?

Guanyu: Yes（握拳，胜利的动作）! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first. 走过路过千万不要错过，六级真题，200元一套，谁买谁便宜，谁买谁贱。Do not miss passing through, cet 6’s answer, 200 yuan for one, it’s cheap for everyone who buy it.

SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: Wife,Keeper

Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei,Guanyu, Zhangfei have been starving for one month. After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom. So the couples will be apart. And Liu guan zhang are waiting out for him。 Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET-6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.

Wife：（抓住诸葛亮的双肩）What happened? 600 scores? I am so happy， oh Honey! 诸葛亮：oh Darling! Wife：I can see my happy life is coming。Cars, house, money，I also need ten Filipino maids菲佣（憧憬）honey（啵一个，一巴掌被诸葛亮打出去，又贴上来）honey，do you want to abandon me?(你不会是不要忘了吧) 诸葛亮：Kidding! I‟m going to be official in Liubei‟s corporation, who need you， a ugly monster. (开玩笑，我马上就去刘备那做公务员了，还能要你这个丑八怪。)

诸葛亮(掏出手机)：Hai, is that Xiaoli? Waiting me at 315Yuning Hotel.(嗨，小丽吗，今晚裕宁大厦315等我哦，不见不散) 诸葛亮走出房间。

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ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal and devoted to the last.

Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: （戴上墨镜，拿上家伙）Let' go!!!!!（壮烈额音乐） Aside: zhu follows liu guan zhang，and they go to 蜀国 happily，with dancing。 That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention.

THE END

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